your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
