I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
