the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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