did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
