Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
