im about as happy as oj after his trial
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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