you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
third nipple confirmed
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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