It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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