Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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