just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need a beard to bite.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize