I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
