Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
