i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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