So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
