Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
