If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
