u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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