think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize