Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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