I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
