I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
