i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize