I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
