been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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