i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
someone owes me an orgasm
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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