they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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