i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
