Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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