You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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