my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
