the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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