sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
