Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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