I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i came on her dog
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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