It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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