addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
