I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
