margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
did i just pee glitter
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