I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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