We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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