i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
