Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
