Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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