you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
