Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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