Screwed.edu
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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