He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
