The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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