at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
we made out on top of his cat.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
