Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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