During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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