No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she smelled like a LAN party
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
