Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
