There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
