He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
