Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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