my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize