Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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