i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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