Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
