yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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