I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
