Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
