I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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