She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sarcasm needs its own font
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
