Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
