Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
