just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
