I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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