Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize