How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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